Sorry for your loss

People say its really hard when you lose a loved one. I don’t know if I fully understand that expression. Does that mean I might find my loved one again someday, in some way? Perhaps in the ‘Free from’ aisle in Sainsbury’s, reading the back of a label with your glasses at the end of your nose?!

Truth is I don’t know how you ended up in that pretty little frame Daddy Lad. Every time I see you in there I think is that all that is left of 72 years of life! 72 years of the most solid support a girl could ever ask for? That’s so utterly sad, it breaks my heart.

Lost is how I feel. How do I recover from a fundamental part of my being going missing…? I literally have no idea. And the pain of your memory... shadows all my days, shadows my smile. Strange really cause you smiled the most, in fact you were the one who made people smile.

As I move through my days my spiritual strength allows me to know that there is no way we are not still connected. I find myself experiencing small but incredibly beautiful miracles. These experiences keep me strong, keep me anchored, to myself and to you. I feel blessed to be conscious enough to see/feel these little gifts from beyond.

We cleared out the garage today, your garage. You were forever moaning about how much of a mess it was, and how we should just chuck it all away! So as we cleared it out today I couldn’t help but think about you. I kept thinking at some point you would come back home and see what we had done, laugh hysterically in amazement, then pat us on the back and say “Good good good!” followed by a funny Dad dance. The ‘Im happy’ dance.

When I left the house after cleaning today, I left with a heavy heart. It is sad to me that we didn’t get to clear it out before you left us, so you could see it, enjoy it and get peace from it.  I came to my local shopping area with no expression on my face, silent and heavyhearted. I went into a shop to find my mum a mirror that she had asked for.  As I started to look for one, I could feel the frown on my face and the sadness in my heart. As I turned the corner in the first aisle, I overheard a woman reading a page of a book by Lorna Byrne, a book about Angels to her mother. She read out loud, “Angels can come in many forms, even in the form of a stranger passing you by…” I stopped for a second to look at the cover of the book. As I turned around thinking how lovely, I saw a canvas that said SMILE! And the song playing in the background was ‘have a nice day’. All of these little synchronicities made me feel a definite presence; a solid message and I couldn’t help but think it was you. I went on to find the perfect mirror at a great price, effortlessly and easily in the following few moments…of course!

When you left your physical body I knew in my heart that you had joined my angels but I didn’t really know what this meant or how it would feel. I guess as I move on from the experience of loosing you, I have found you again in these little occurrences. So maybe the saying does make sense after all…

They say that ships don’t sink because of the water surrounding them; they sink because of the water that gets into them. So today I pray to you and my angels for the strength not to let the sadness of loosing you get inside my head and heart but for it to surround me and help me grow as a person. For it to push me forward in my journey through life, happily, healthily and knowing that you are right here by my side.

I love you Daddy Lad.

I miss you.

I thank you.

Your Princess x